Shakespeare said it most famously, but it’s a theme we teach each other and say to ourselves all the time: “to thine own self be true.”
So I find it strange that, at a time when I thought I’ve been truer to myself than ever before, I suddenly feel very untrue in a specific area: my work life.
I feel like I grew up into my last work life. It was my first real job, and I was there for over five years. It was like a family in a lot of ways. They all knew me, and I was promoted up and up because they wanted me, and wanted me to succeed. Now, at a new job, I find myself missing the easy acceptance that comes from years of knowing each other, and I find myself struggling to define me, and I’m struggling to avoid defining myself in a gendered way.
Here’s what I mean: I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. If I’m happy, it shows, if I’m stressed, it shows. It all shows. But I worry that if my leadership style is too emotional–that it will seem “girly” and “weak.” So, I’ve been trying (mostly in vain) to put on the “strong” face and not show when I’m stressed or don’t have the answers. But then I think…am I trying to adopt a “masculine” style of leadership that’s just not me?
But after having thought about it very hard for a few days, I’ve decided this: leadership is not about enacting “male” or “female” leadership styles. It’s just about leading in the way you, as an individual, lead best. For me, being honest in leadership means some transparency about when I need help from my team and when I don’t have an answer at the moment. But at the same time, sometimes, adopting other leadership styles can be helpful. Faking courage is maybe almost the same as courage, I think. Sometimes there are situations where I’m terrified because I haven’t yet handled the problem that I’m now faced with. Breaking down isn’t an option. So I have to stay calm and calm everyone else. Say, “I’ve got this,” even when I have no idea what the next step is. But arrogance and bravado is not my style, and I’m not about to become that kind of leader.
So what about you? How are you true to yourself at work or in other situations?
Caffe Vita 
🙂 I’m definitely of the belief that to be something “more,” especially for those situations that you are not ready for, when you are not calm but need to me, you almost have to “fake it”–but the reason I don’t think this is bad is because I wonder why people talk about “being yourself” or “being fake.” Often, when you act a way that may be considered foreign to your typical personality, you are training yourself to take on those attributes more readily in future situations. You aren’t necessarily faking anything, just learning how to respond differently when needed. What exactly is “me”? Or “you” for that matter? I’m still trying to figure that out, and perhaps all these situations where we end up in uncomfortable dilemmas that require us to make decisions we may not otherwise make are shaping us, will continue to shape us, as every experience does…
I am, perhaps, rambling, but I doubt the old adage that tells us we put on masks that are not ourselves. I think we choose, depending on the situation, to exercise different facets of our human experience; sometimes it is an ugly side that we don’t always like to show, or maybe something we are uncomfortable with, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a part of us regardless.
Be the leader you want to be and not who other people tell you to be–but don’t be afraid to exercise yourself in new ways and see if there are characteristics that might benefit you in your developing style!
Do what you do the way you know how. You’re strong enough to rise above the trials!